Editing v0.34:Catsplosion

{{quality|Exceptional|01:54, 16 February 2013 (UTC)}}{{av}}

 

The '''catsplosion''' is a mighty force of nature and a serious concern at the Mountainhome.  Much like the captain of a popular starship and his ''Trouble with Tribbles'', dwarves fall prey to the fecund habits of the furry, lovable creatures known as <s>furiously fornicating fantastically fecund felines</s> [[cat]]s.

== Conventional catsplosion ==

Conventional catsplosions are an insidious poison which operate by using a lethal psychological attack known as "Cuddly Wuddly Syndrome".  Dwarves, ordinarily content to manage an overpopulation of cats by employing [[butcher]]s, [[tanner]]s, [[soaper]]s, [[leatherworker]]s, [[bone carver]]s, and [[cook]]s, may suddenly find themselves appropriated by a cat who employs mind control waves in order to take the dwarf hostage.  The dwarf, now considering the cat its pet (when in fact the opposite is true), is no longer able to butcher the cat and will absolutely not tolerate anyone butchering his "bewuv'ed cuddlebug".  Through this psychological technique, an insurgent is thereby successfully implanted into the fortress.

=== Dealing with conventional catsplosions ===

==== Part 1: Keeping "Cuddly Wuddly Syndrome" (CWS) under control ====

One word: [[cage]].

==== Part 2: Getting rid of the unwanted cats ====

* As cats appear to be attracted to vermin inside a food stockpile, putting a pet impassable door in the entrance of the food stockpile and constructing an upright spike on either side of this door and then connecting a lever to these spikes can kill the already "pet" cats in a relatively safe manner. NOTE: Be sure to check the door for dwarves before pulling the lever or they might be harmed. A really fun way to kill cats is to put a [[Activity_zone#Pit/Pond|pit]] over a volcano or other deadly fall and simply assign a kitten to the pit. A group of unsuspecting dwarves will drag your cuddly pets and drop them straight into the mouth of the volcano, or even your very own moat! With magma, you get to see a large flare of smoke to assure the destruction of your cuddly friends. *sadistic laughs*

==== Part 3: Sexism ====

Once every 10 years or so, breed another batch after ensuring all your dwarves have a pet already (if out of male cats, distribute some dogs or something). Cage kittens as they come out.

You could theoretically put all pets in walled-in rooms. No pet deaths, no tantrums, no miasma!

P.S.: if you manage to put all the female cats in a walled-in room, remember that kittens will appear only there - a good spot for a butcher shop and some kind of item drop chutes for ready food and junk disposal. Cats keeps your butcher shop free of vermin, too!

P.P.S.: Every time you use a cage on a cat the blood god is deprived from killing seven generations of kitten; so for the love of Armok, remember to sacrifice him some goblins in extra creative ways to compensate! Such as having a pit with all the female cats in the bottom attacking them...

== Thermonuclear catsplosion ==

== [[Domestic animal#Comparison of domestic poultry|Birdsplosion]] ==

Many domestic animals, such as chickens, ducks and geese, use the [[Nest box]] to lay eggs. The huge number of eggs they lay means that, if fertilized by a male, they tend to create their own Birdsplosion, in which millions of fuzzy ducklings take over your fort. Although this is not as a concern as the catsplosion, due to not being adopted as pets, there are still FPS concerns. The best known method to prevent a birdsplosion is to run a campaign on the benefits of eggs for your Dwarves. Also? Battery farms. One cage is enough. Don't tell <s>PETA</s> [[Elf|E]]<nowiki/>ETA.

 

 

Another problem is little adorable furry things running everywhere. '''[[cavy|Cavies]]''', another name for guinea pigs, are small and give only a skull when butchered. They are [[grazer]]s and tend to steal the grass from your other grazing animals (while they don't eat much grass individually, a large group can easily rid a small pasture of grass). Their only benefit is that they make decent pets (but have a low [[creature#Domestic animals|pet value]]). [[#Sexism|Separating male and female cavies]] is a way of preventing excessive breeding, but most other techniques used on cats can be applied to cavies too.