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[[Category:Humor and stories]]
 
[[Category:Humor and stories]]
{{unversioned}}
 
  
 
==[[User:Abby Ratso Lee|Abby Ratso Lee]]==
 
==[[User:Abby Ratso Lee|Abby Ratso Lee]]==
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“It is time,” said the dwarf, “for revolution.”
 
“It is time,” said the dwarf, “for revolution.”
 
==[[User:AbuDhabi|AbuDhabi]]==
 
===(5 February 2009)===
 
<pre>CCCCCCC,.,.,.|||@+@+></pre>
 
 
Fires burned at the edge of the vast grassland, holding back the
 
darkness before the dwarf fortress.  All night baleful howls could be
 
heard on the plain, undead cows brought back to life by the evil
 
wizard Maxelman.  He had allowed the dwarves to live in his domain of
 
evil, if they but bestowed on him one artifact a year.  Nothing,
 
however, could measure the greed of a dwarf.  Nothing, that is, save
 
his thirst for strong whiskey.
 
 
A dwarf stood atop the battlement, laughing drunkenly.  "Get down
 
Twan," whispered his fellow guardsman.  "The night-wings will snatch
 
you off the wall!"  Twan threw his stein off the wall in defiance.
 
Such was his vanity that he thought that they only need live through
 
the night.  Little did he know, the dawn would never come.
 
 
===(24 February 2009)===
 
<pre>DgDgg%@@%@~~++++++>>>>^+^+^+^+^%%%%%@</pre>
 
 
Twan held his helmet over his eyes and screamed.  Fireballs smashed
 
into the walls, shot from the gullets of a dozen dragons circling in
 
the smoke-choked sky.  Marksdwarves dove from the walls and smashed
 
into the courtyard below.  "Stand and fight!" shouted Captain Krandle.
 
"Fear no devil!"  Twan reached the courtyard just as the gate broken
 
open wide.  Pike-wielding goblins poured through the opening.  Captain
 
Krandle threw his great braided beard over his shoulder and called
 
forth his squad of elite axe-lords, The Chosen.
 
 
Pike and axe clashed again and again as Twan crawled between the legs
 
of the combatants.  A head dropped onto the ground before him.  It was
 
the head of Captain Krandle.  Twan pressed on.  He would not be
 
paralyzed with fear.  It seemed that the power of Maxelman knew no
 
bounds, but not even he could breach the inner mines.  Dodging the
 
deadly weapons, and slithering over the bodies, Twan made his way the
 
center of the fortress.
 
 
A dark tunnel lay beyond the entrance to the keep.  Twan danced down
 
the corridor in the intricate steps that avoided the complex mass of
 
triggers and tripwires that guarded the entrance.  Inside were the
 
mines, stocked with enough dwarven wine to keep them in the cups for
 
ten years.  Twan reflected for a moment on those above who had died.
 
It wasn't important.  He was alive, and would remain so, so long as he
 
avoided the king and any quests he might have in store.
 
 
===(13 May 2009)===
 
<pre>%@/%+++@+@@@</pre>
 
 
"That blasted wizard Maxelman," came a booming voice.  "He shall not
 
have my artifact staff!"
 
 
Curses, thought Twan from his hiding in the cellar, the king!  The
 
dwarf lord paced back and forth, followed by a pleading train of
 
aristocrats, tears of rage streaming from his eyes.  The staff, the
 
cause of all the suffering the dwarves now endured, was only ten short
 
steps away.  In near berserker rage, the king threw the staff down,
 
startling the nobles.  Twan saw his chance.  He shot between the
 
nobles and snatched up the artifact.
 
 
"Scoundrel," roared the king, "unhand the magic staff!"
 
 
Twan leapt onto a keg, holding the staff high.
 
 
"Maxelman will burn this fortress to the ground to gain this staff,"
 
said the rude dwarf.  "I will have this power for myself!"
 
 
The king growled, plucking the gold rings from his fingers.  He hurled
 
them at Twan, one striking the dwarf in the teeth.  "Seize him!"
 
shouted the besieged ruler.  Twan jumped from barrel to barrel as the
 
purple clad nobles chased him.  As he ran from the cellar he heard
 
king's cry, "Guards, guards!"
 
 
In the enemy camp, the vile wizard Maxelman puzzled over his battle
 
plans.  A dwarf fortress is always a hard nut to crack.  One of his
 
generals, a skeletal shade from the netherworld, summoned him from his
 
tent.  The wizard straightened his aching back, brushed his long black
 
beard, and stepped to the door.  There, standing between two fierce
 
goblin guards, was Twan, holding the king's staff.
 
 
===(29 Aug 2009)===
 
<pre>+U+G-@+GG+</pre>
 
 
"You bring me the staff," said the evil sorcerer, "as a traitor to your people?"
 
 
The dwarven rogue took a step back and leveled the staff at his arch-nemesis.
 
 
"You will have the staff," said Twan. "Have it through your black
 
shriveled heart!"
 
 
The dwarf pressed a secret button and a blade emerged from the end of
 
the staff.  The wizard called on his generals.  The skeletal ghoul
 
drew his saber and charged.  Twan spun with expert skill and took out
 
the phantom's knees, such was the power that the staff bestowed.  Two
 
more undead warlords entered the tent.  Twan thrust the staff at
 
Maxelman but a undead general threw himself in front of the blade,
 
impaling himself and collapsed into dust.
 
 
The legless fiend below snatched Twan's ankles and pulled Twan to the
 
floor.  The staff spilled onto the ground.  The dwarf felt his courage
 
suddenly fading.  The wizard snatched up the artifact and cried out
 
with joy.  The long campaign was finally at an end.  The skeleton put
 
its bony arm around Twan's neck and pulled him upright.  The wizard
 
noticed the dwarf and walked toward him, pointing the staff.
 
 
"Nice try, dwarf," said Maxelman.  "Now feel the true power of the
 
artifact staff!"
 
 
Twan caught the thrust between his palms.  As the wizard snarled, Twan
 
took the staff in one hand and with several quick motions, activated
 
the secret switches along its length.  The dwarf released the staff as
 
saw blades swept out of the shaft and sliced off the wizard's hands.
 
Twan jammed his helmet into the skull of the phantom general and
 
smashed all the bones in its face.
 
 
The dwarf picked up the blood covered staff and chased the wizard from
 
the tent.  Dozens of goblins blocked his way, but he dispatched them
 
with mighty slashes of his weapon.  Just as he came within a spear's
 
throw of his enemy, a huge dust cloud blocked his way.  Wind blew down
 
as a giant dragon landed before the dwarf.  At last, thought Twan, a
 
worthy opponent.
 
  
 
==Alluvian_Est-Endrati==
 
==Alluvian_Est-Endrati==
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"No one will die today," said Thafor, "that hasn't died before."
 
"No one will die today," said Thafor, "that hasn't died before."
 
==Amuys==
 
===(July, 2014)===
 
<pre>gggggggg,~.\@.%,gggggggg</pre>
 
 
"It is in metal you trust," said Ustran, "not skill in martial arts."
 
 
"But master," said Kogan, "they must outnumber us five to one!"
 
 
"The goblins have no answer to our steel and adamantine," said Ustran.
 
"The dwarven knights, though untested, will be unstoppable.  It is
 
inevitable."
 
 
Swallowing his fear, Kogan closed his eyes as the squires placed the
 
helmet on his head and strapped on the last of his steel armor.  At
 
last, Ustran handed him an adamantine battle axe.  It was new, an
 
untested weapon for an untested knight.  Kogan stepped out of the
 
barracks and joined the other knights in the main hall of the dwarf
 
fortress.
 
 
Slowly, the main drawbridge began to lower.  Out beyond the moat,
 
Kogan could see the forces arrayed against them.  The goblins from the
 
Apagan mountains were a battle-hardened bunch.  They had sacked many
 
villages in the past few months.  They had even burned a fledgling
 
dwarf fortress.  If they were not stopped now, nowhere in the world
 
would be safe.  Kogan lowered his helmet's visor and stepped onto the
 
bridge with the dwarven vanguard.
 
 
The adamantine axe sliced through the goblins like a hot knife through
 
plump helmet roast.  Arms, necks and heads were tossed into the clear
 
air.  Kogan laughed with the joy of the slaughter, his fear vanishing.
 
Soon he found himself surrounded by enemies.  He swung his axe in a
 
circle, driving the enemy back.  He was now cut off from the other
 
dwarves, but he didn't care.  He was unstoppable.
 
  
 
==Angry Licker==
 
==Angry Licker==
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“Squawk your last,” shouted Fidon, stepping out from behind a giant
 
“Squawk your last,” shouted Fidon, stepping out from behind a giant
 
mushroom.  “For tonight you die.”
 
mushroom.  “For tonight you die.”
 
===(11 June 2014)===
 
 
<pre>@@%@@,.,.,..,?O?</pre>
 
 
The jabberer was taken completely by surprise.  A bolt from Fidon's
 
bow passed through its ribcage and lodged in its lung.  The beast
 
flared its feathers in a grotesque display.  It no longer viewed Fidon
 
as its prey, but instead as another male invading its territory and
 
challenging its right to mate with other giant underground birds.  Its
 
confusion was enough to give Fidon the upper hand.  He dropped the
 
monster with a shot between the eyes.
 
 
"I'm coming, boys!" shouted Fidon.
 
 
The dwarf hero used his battle axe to tear open the dead monster's
 
belly.  Out fell three of Fidon's companions that the creature had
 
swallowed whole.  They were very grateful to be alive.  Now, instead
 
of being the monster's dinner, the dwarves dined on jabberer that
 
night.  One of the craftier dwarves fashioned Fidon a headdress out of
 
the monster's feathers.
 
 
"Master," said Atrak, "when will we return the dwarf fortress?"
 
 
"That monster came from the Underworld," said Fidon.  "We must find
 
the portal to the world of eternal night and close it forever."
 
  
 
==[[User:Bott Maggot|Bott Maggot]]==
 
==[[User:Bott Maggot|Bott Maggot]]==
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opened above and a torrent of lava fell from the ceiling, incinerating
 
opened above and a torrent of lava fell from the ceiling, incinerating
 
them both in a cloud of steam.
 
them both in a cloud of steam.
 
==[[User:Burgi|Burgi]]==
 
===(27 March 2014)===
 
<pre>?OOO?..,,.,.@|+++++@@@@</pre>
 
Outside the dwarf fortress, life was cheap.  Petty warlords squabbled
 
over acres of dirt where peasants slaved away with no promise for the
 
future.  Once in a great while the dwarves would sally forth to bring
 
order to the chaos.  It was times like these when heroism was called
 
for.  Those that answered the call were mightier than the rest.
 
 
"Where do you hail from, hero dwarf?" asked the dwarven king.
 
 
"I have come far," said Ulrich, "from deep under the mountain."
 
 
"Danger comes from above," said the king.  "How long has in been since
 
you have seen the light of day?"
 
 
"I do not recall," said Ulrich.  "But I can tell you, there is no ball
 
of light that can stand between me and glory."
 
 
Latter that day, the gates opened, flooding the entrance of the
 
fortress with light.  If it had any effect on Ulrich, he did not show
 
it.  He had been tasked with killing a family of ogres that had moved
 
onto the caravan track.  He waited until the dwarves shut the gate
 
behind him and vomited.
 
 
  
 
==[[User:Caeonosphere|Caeonosphere]]==
 
==[[User:Caeonosphere|Caeonosphere]]==
Line 670: Line 461:
  
 
"Forget that old goblin," said Aliz.
 
"Forget that old goblin," said Aliz.
 
==[[User:clank201|clank201]]==
 
===(31 August 2014)===
 
<pre>++~~~~~~!.U,.U</pre>
 
 
The volcanic island of Euecana was home to the last dwarven expedition
 
from the mountain homes.  Giant beasts and goblin armies had destroyed
 
everything else. Still, the dwarves of Euecana depended on shipments
 
of fruit from the mainland. The chaos seemed to subside in the outside
 
world, and fleets of traders arrived every spring and autumn.  That
 
was until the bad times. Until now.
 
 
"Sea monster!" shouted a dwarf from the look-out tower.
 
 
The dwarves in the sea-side fortress watched in horror as the
 
tentacles rose up from the water and grappled the wooden trading
 
vessel.  It was only a matter of minutes before it was broken up and
 
dragged underwater.  It was a horror that was repeated time and time
 
again until no one dared sail toward Euecana again.
 
 
--
 
 
"What do you have there?" asked Balis.
 
 
"It's a message in a bottle," said Alcor.  "It bears the seal of the
 
dwarven king of Euecana."
 
 
"That cursed place?" said Balis.  "Throw it back in the water."
 
 
"The dwarves promise the hero his weight in gold if he can slay the
 
monster," said Alcor.
 
 
"You are too skinny to make the venture worth it," said Balis.
 
 
"I will slay the monster," said Alcor.  "You will see!  And I will be
 
worshiped as a hero!"
 
  
 
==[[User:crash2455|crash2455]]==
 
==[[User:crash2455|crash2455]]==
Line 786: Line 541:
 
Death's dance. True heroism would be awoken that day, a shaft of
 
Death's dance. True heroism would be awoken that day, a shaft of
 
light into the heart of darkness.
 
light into the heart of darkness.
 
==[[User:Darksaiyan|Darkie]]==
 
===(14 September 2008)===
 
<pre>,.,.O@T,...</pre>
 
 
Surrounded by a troll on one side and an ogre on the other, dwarf
 
master Alrin knew these could be the last seconds of his life.  As he
 
gripped the handle of his axe he recalled the teachings of Azrom, god
 
of war.  Matters of great importance should be given the slightest
 
thought.  It was only the minor matters that must be given the most
 
delicate care.  So, without conscious thought, Alrin slammed his axe
 
handle into the ogre's toe.  Swiftly, the dwarf ran between the
 
monster's legs and delivered a swift kick to its backside.  As the
 
ogre toppled over, the hairy troll launched over the fallen monster
 
and leaped toward Alrin.  As time slowed in an adrenalin rush, Alrin
 
readied his axe.
 
  
 
==[[User:Davion|Davion]]==
 
==[[User:Davion|Davion]]==
Line 926: Line 665:
  
 
"You must take us to the library," said Banesa.
 
"You must take us to the library," said Banesa.
 
==[[User:Dudecon|Dudecon]]==
 
===(11 April 2011)===
 
<pre>+&=+++@++</pre>
 
 
Long after the battle was over, and the scavengers had done their
 
work, Biban remained.  The drunken dwarf could not understand total
 
victory.  The banner of the mountain homes flew from every castle in
 
the land.  What was left to conquer?  Biban picked up a rock and
 
hurled it against the bare skull of a goblin, shattering it.  The
 
tears came again.  The dwarf took another swig to drive away the
 
blues.
 
 
All Biban had ever known was the art of combat.  All his brothers had
 
become blacksmiths and his father had become greatly disappointed when
 
Biban pledged his oath to the king.  He remembered his first battle.
 
It was the defense of Blackthorn Fortress.  He had shot down many
 
goblins from the castle walls.  Victory after victory followed and
 
Biban was given command of the Royal Expeditionary Force.
 
 
Biban’s army rolled over field and town, burning all in its path.
 
None of the great kingdoms put up much resistance.  It was the goblins
 
that fought back the hardest.  Biban could not understand what force
 
had moved the cowardly murderers.  After a series of bloody battles,
 
Biban pushed the goblins back to their hole.  The entire goblin army
 
had been waiting for him outside.
 
 
The dwarf general now looked over the field of rotting bones.  Someone
 
was there, a man wearing a strange white tunic.  Biban tried to stand
 
but found he could not.  He looked down to see a goblin spear struck
 
through his gut.  The man drew closer.  Biban reached for his sword,
 
but found its scabbard empty.  Angered, he picked up a rock.
 
 
“Put down your stone,” said the man.  “I am but a messenger.”
 
 
“Where is my army?” cried Biban.  “How long have I been here?”
 
 
“Face facts,” said the man in a bored tone.  “You are dead, struck
 
down on the field of battle.”
 
 
“If I am dead,” shouted Biban, “where is the Eternal Forge?”
 
 
“Oh, you will be judged,” said the man.  “If we can find a goblin
 
brave enough to drag you to the Underworld.  You have killed too many
 
of them, you see.”
 
 
“What is your name, demon?” asked Biban.
 
 
“I am a servant of Osmnog,” said the spirit, “and my master would ask
 
you to join him, before you are cast down forever into the magma.”
 
 
The goblin fortress stood above them.  Biban looked up to see the
 
goblins patrolling its walls.  The last battle had not been a victory. Anger filled the dwarf’s heart at the conquest denied him. A low growl filled Biban’s chest, building into a booming howl. The spirit
 
reached out its hand, and Biban took it.
 
 
Together, they walked through the gates of the evil citadel.  The
 
goblin guards quailed and quivered as Biban walked by, afraid of him
 
in death as they were of him in life.  They passed horror after horror
 
until they reached the inner sanctum.  There, behind a dark, wood
 
writing desk, was Osmnog.
 
 
The demon king was unremarkable, save for having but one eye in the
 
center of his forehead.  A great window looked out of the high tower
 
over the bleak land of goblin country.  Biban had once longed to stand
 
here, but as vanquisher, not prisoner.  Osmnog smiled, revealing a
 
mouth full of pointed teeth.
 
 
“You come here freely to hear my offer,” said the demon king.  “Hear
 
it now!  I offer you the world, license to conquer, maim and kill.
 
More than that, I offer you revenge.”
 
 
“Revenge?” asked Biban.
 
 
“You think you were given the task of conquering the wastes for your
 
own glory?” said Osmnog.  “They wanted to be rid of you!  They feared
 
what you would become.”
 
 
Osmnog put his arm around the dwarf’s shoulder.  “You can still become
 
that thing.  The thing that they fear.”
 
 
===(21 January 2016)===
 
<pre>ggggggggggM@.,.,|@++</pre>
 
The tiny bird landed on the dwarf king's shoulder and whispered in his ear.  The king's reaction was one of great joy considering that his expeditionary force had been completely wiped out.  Biban had been struck down, the royal spies had seen it.  The king called for his diplomat, he would sue for peace with the goblins immediately.  Osmnog seemed like a reasonable leader, as goblins go.  With Biban gone there would be nothing to challenge the king's authority.
 
 
“I'm afraid that's impossible, your highness,” said the diplomat.  “Osmnog's army is marching on the fortress as we speak.  I'd say we have three days before he lays siege to the castle.”
 
 
“This makes no sense,” said the king.  “With Biban dead, the stain on Osmnog's honor has been erased.”
 
 
“It is Biban that leads the goblin vanguard,” said the diplomat.
 
 
Riding high on the back of a giant mammoth, Biban raised his axe and ordered the goblins to charge.  The dwarves were caught completely by surprise.  The goblins swept the field and drove the dwarves back to the walls of the fortress.  The king appeared in the window of the high tower.
 
 
“Biban,” cried the king, “I will have you hammered to death for this!”
 
 
===(24 July 2018)===
 
<pre>###b##|+++@+|</pre>
 
Word spread quickly that the king was dead.  In the place of another king, the dwarves elected an emperor from their ranks.  It would be Biban that ruled the world.  When Osmnog learned that his puppet was now the ruler of the dwarves he giggled uncontrollably.  It was more than he could have wished for.  He had a messenger bird take a note of congratulations to the new king of the dwarves.
 
 
“What is it?” asked Biban as he heard the knock on his chamber door.
 
 
A letter was slipped under the door.  It bore the seal of the king of the goblins.  When Biban read it, he despaired.  There was no escape from the situation.  The kingship was a horrible, tedious position to hold.  There were assassins hiding among the loathsome strivers that followed him around constantly.  Most of the time he locked himself in his office and shuffled paperwork, bills that his stamp would turn into law.
 
 
“You will now wage war against the Kingdom of Man,” wrote Osmnog, “Or I will put you back in the ditch where I found you.”
 
 
==[[User:Draeath|draeath]]==
 
===(18 June 2014)===
 
<pre>++UcU++++@|</pre>
 
 
You and I have lived through the hard times.  Back then the world was
 
in chaos and no one really expected to live very long.  It was then
 
that the dwarves of Dulchari drove the forces of darkness back
 
underground and sealed them away with stakes of adamantine.  None of
 
the young men and women who rule the city states of the Slusian Plains
 
remember how great the threat was to the human race.  It is only old
 
dwarves like you and I that can recall the black days before the
 
council delivered us from evil.
 
 
Then, as now, the dwarf fortress of Etwersbrot was the most impressive
 
building still standing.  The spires and domes of the fortress city
 
could be seen from leagues away. The chambers and halls extended deep
 
into the mountain from which the fortress was carved.  Greatest of
 
this halls was the the council chamber.  Here sat the dwarven wizards
 
of the Dulchari Council.
 
 
"Great Magoveer," said the dwarven page.  "The emissaries from the
 
barbarian provinces have arrived."
 
 
"Show them inside," said Magoveer.
 
 
The fighters from Kivik were still in awe of all the dwarves had
 
created.  As they entered the council chamber their jaws hung open in
 
disbelief.  Just one of the golden statues lining the entryway would
 
have paid a king's randoms in Slusia.  The thrones the council dwarves
 
sat upon were also made of gold, and they towered over the poor,
 
frightened diplomats.
 
 
"Why have you come here?" asked Magoveer, brushing aside his long
 
dwarven mustache.
 
 
"There is a great evil in the marshland of Kivik," shouted a brave
 
woman of the plains.  "It is not of this world.  Many think it is a
 
remnant of the Time Before."
 
 
"You have proof of this wild claim?"
 
 
The bearers brought forth what looked like a great birdcage covered
 
with a brightly colored tarp.  The dwarves of the council leaned
 
forward on their thrones with interest.  With a dramatic flare, the
 
woman took hold of the tarp and pulled it away.  Inside the cage was a
 
large swamp rodent, a capybara.
 
 
"Behold," said the woman.  "Here lies Lord Bulra of Kivik!"
 
 
==[[User:Dracil|Dracil]]==
 
===(24 April 2010)===
 
<pre>ggggggg++U||+++#####</pre>
 
Arm outstretched, holding his brother over the great precipice, dark
 
thoughts occurred to Prince Talamane.  They had battled the goblins
 
for many long months and had finally pushed them back to their final
 
castle.  It was when they fought their way across the great bridge, a
 
chasm on each side descending into darkness, that his brother fell.
 
 
“Talamane, help me,” he said, his fingertips barely hanging on.
 
 
The Prince clasped his brother by the arm but did not pull him up.  As
 
spears and arrows flew by them, the prince’s brother looked at him,
 
questioning.  Talamane let him go.  He plunged into the black pit
 
without a sound.
 
 
“Farewell, Talamar,” said the prince.
 
 
Taking up his sword, Talamane turned and joined his soldiers as they
 
stormed the goblin keep.  In his lust for slaughter, the prince seemed
 
to forget his crime, but the gods did not forget.  Though he sought to
 
keep the treasure of the goblins for himself, he would get more than
 
he bargained for by far.  He kicked open the door to the royal
 
chamber, but instead of a demon overlord, he found a dozen robed
 
goblins kneeling before him.
 
 
“Master,” said the head goblin, “we have been awaiting you.”
 
 
==[[User:Draigh|Draigh]]==
 
===(13 Augustus 2008)===
 
<pre>.@@|,-.-.kk,k,.k,.</pre>
 
 
Malgar, warrior dwarf woman, fought on against the onslaught of
 
kobolds, her newborn baby still strapped to her back.  She lifted her
 
shield to block another volley of poison darts.  She had been hunting,
 
far from the entrance of the fortress, when she stumbled upon the
 
skulking trash, no doubt planning a cowardly raid on the fortress
 
vault.  She had to warn the others.  With one hand she held the bugle
 
to her lips, while with the other she parried another deadly strike.
 
  
 
==DreamThorn==
 
==DreamThorn==
Line 1,186: Line 733:
 
"The egg hatched the night after it was brought here," said the king
 
"The egg hatched the night after it was brought here," said the king
 
to Kognar.  "It has devoured every dwarf that has challenged it."
 
to Kognar.  "It has devoured every dwarf that has challenged it."
 
===(18 March 2014)===
 
<pre>@+++.%%,.,.@/J,..%,%%</pre>
 
 
"If Domon wants a sacrifice to end the fire storm," said Ibruk, "you
 
seem as good a candidate as any."
 
 
With the crank of a hidden lever, the floor fell away from beneath
 
Kognar's feet.  Hitting the stone floor hard, the hero managed to roll
 
and recover before the monster could strike.  The monster's lair was
 
filled with skeletons and rotting dwarven meat.  The creature seemed
 
to have become the king's favorite pet.
 
 
"Come and get him, Beaky!" cried King Ibruk.
 
 
The monster did resemble an enormous, featherless bird.  It was twice
 
the size of the jabberers Kognar knew from the caverns back home.  The
 
hero had a soft spot in his heart for animal life, but this monster
 
had developed a taste for dwarven flesh.  It had to be put down, and
 
that was something Kognar could not forgive the mad king.
 
 
The giant jabberer moved its head from side to side, judging the
 
distance to strike.  Kognar took the time to draw his secret knife.
 
When the attack came, it was sudden and vicious.  The bird monster
 
meant to snap Kognar in half with its razor-like beak.  It was a split
 
second too late.  The hero ducked under the striking head and slashed
 
the creature's throat.
 
 
The gurgling bellow of the dying bird mingled with the king's scream
 
of denial.  Kognar climbed on top of the twitching monster corpse and
 
jumped up, grasping the lip of the pit.  The king called for the
 
guards, but there was only silence.  The fire storm had ceased.  Even
 
the gods knew it was over.  King Ibruk had to pay.
 
 
===(21 July 2014)===
 
<pre><@,,..|++eU++@+@@@|</pre>
 
 
The elf and woman joined Kognar and Ibruk in the main feast hall.  Not
 
only had the heroes stopped the firestorm, but they had also slain the
 
king's monster.  It was clear and obvious that the king must be
 
punished.  It was also clear if the king was to be punished he could
 
not be the god-king that he claimed.  Before Ibruk was dragged before
 
the crowd, his high priests had already been executed.
 
 
"King Ibruk," said the mysterious woman, "you have stolen Domon's pet
 
and caused its death."
 
 
"I didn't kill it!" shouted Ibruk.  "Your champion did!"
 
 
"What did you say?" asked the elf.  "Would you mind repeating that?"
 
 
The king was so angry with the presumptuous elf that all that came out
 
of his mouth was a loud chirp.  He tried to speak again, but his teeth
 
and jaw were changing.  He lifted is hand and felt the new beak that
 
had grown in place of a mouth.  The elf and woman laughed as the king
 
fled out of the room.  Kognar addressed the crowd.
 
 
"King Ibruk has been punished for insulting the gods," said Kognar, "I
 
will take his place at the throne until a new leader can be chosen."
 
 
Most of the dwarves thought this was reasonable, though there were
 
some that thought it was an abomination to allow an elf to curse their
 
king.  Chief among the king's defenders was Administrator Sciok, an
 
evil and scheming dwarf.  In the days that followed, Sciok's
 
representatives made the rounds assuring Sciok's coronation.
 
 
"You had better take your magic friends out of the fortress," said
 
Sciok to Kognar, "for when I am king, this time tomorrow, they will be
 
enemies of the state."
 
  
 
==Eagleon==
 
==Eagleon==
Line 1,295: Line 773:
  
 
"Animal people!" cried the elf.  "Shoot them down!"
 
"Animal people!" cried the elf.  "Shoot them down!"
 
==EarlNuclear==
 
===(11 March 2012)===
 
<pre>~~%~@%%~~,.,,.@,.</pre>
 
 
Catapults hurled globs of rotten meat over the fortress wall, another
 
generous donation of the dwarf fortress to the poor.  Hill dwarves,
 
dressed in brown sacks as was their custom, fought and struggled for
 
the rancid morsels.  Some, like the dwarf prince, thought it had
 
always been this way.  Others knew better.
 
 
“Ho there, grandfather,” said a kindly voice.
 
 
A metal clad fist reached down and lifted the old dwarf out the puddle
 
into which he had been thrown.  It was Kutam, dwarf knight and younger
 
brother of Prince Ozor.  Long had Kutam struggled against his kin,
 
fighting to bring justice to those who could not fight for themselves.
 
 
“Who did this?” Kutam asked the old dwarf.
 
 
“I can’t say,” said the geezer.  “All’s I know is they took my gold teeth!”
 
 
The old dwarf laughed with a toothless grin.  Kutam knew what had to
 
be done.  He undid the strap that held his war hammer to his belt and
 
headed to the fortress gate.  There the watch captain was joking
 
around with his friends.  One of them held the old dwarf’s false gold
 
teeth.
 
 
“Hand over the teeth, clown,” shouted Kutam.
 
 
“I thought you might show up, Kutam” said the watch captain.  “What if
 
I tell the prince what you are up to?”
 
 
“I’d like to see you try,” said Kutam, “for you will have your own
 
false teeth soon enough.”
 
 
==[[User:Edras|Edras]]==
 
===(21 July 2014)===
 
<pre>"U""U""""""""""""?E?</pre>
 
 
You and I remember that fateful day, when the planets were aligned.
 
Every dwarf fortress lit the torches to welcome the new world that
 
would follow the passing of Earth.  Everyone seemed to think the end
 
would be quick and painless.  We remember the time that came after as
 
the Apocalypse.
 
 
Our heroes have just now begun to slay the last of the monsters born
 
during that horrid time.  Bram was chief of these great men and women.
 
It was said that he ripped the throat out of a dragon with his bare
 
hands.  Others remember him with more kindness.
 
 
"You must stay here," said Bram, "the Garum is no place for a squire."
 
 
"But master," said squire Ketran, "the ettin has two heads!  You need
 
me to help you outsmart it."
 
 
The squire seemed to have a point, so Bram allowed him to join him as
 
he traveled into the marshland.  The pair of heroes looked out across
 
the plain of reeds, wondering what kind of monsters could be hiding
 
out there.  The was only one monster than really mattered and that was
 
the ettin.
 
 
The ettin was known to the people of the marsh as Death and Darkness,
 
named after the monster's two heads.  They were known to ambush
 
caravans headed across the raised highway.  Their home was the ruins
 
of an ancient dwarf fortress set a ways off from the road.  Bram and
 
Ketran had just discovered the place, marked outside by a pile of
 
skulls.
 
 
"Keep this rope tied to your waist," said Bram as the were about to
 
pass into the pitch darkness.  "Don't cry out, no matter what you
 
see."
 
  
 
==[[User:Ergot|Ergot]]==
 
==[[User:Ergot|Ergot]]==
Line 1,483: Line 889:
 
before it took his scalp.
 
before it took his scalp.
  
==[[User:ANormalUsername1|Frango Nicolbidok]]==
+
==[[User:Darksaiyan|Darkie]]==
'''"Skullinator"'''
+
===(14 September 2008)===
===(20 February 2013)===
+
<pre>,.,.O@T,...</pre>
<pre>++@+/o\++@+</pre>
+
 
 +
Surrounded by a troll on one side and an ogre on the other, dwarf
 +
master Alrin knew these could be the last seconds of his life.  As he
 +
gripped the handle of his axe he recalled the teachings of Azrom, god
 +
of war.  Matters of great importance should be given the slightest
 +
thought.  It was only the minor matters that must be given the most
 +
delicate care.  So, without conscious thought, Alrin slammed his axe
 +
handle into the ogre's toe.  Swiftly, the dwarf ran between the
 +
monster's legs and delivered a swift kick to its backside.  As the
 +
ogre toppled over, the hairy troll launched over the fallen monster
 +
and leaped toward Alrin.  As time slowed in an adrenalin rush, Alrin
 +
readied his axe.
 +
 
 +
 
 +
==[[User:Draigh|Draigh]]==
 +
===(13 Augustus 2008)===
 +
<pre>.@@|,-.-.kk,k,.k,.</pre>
 +
 
 +
Malgar, warrior dwarf woman, fought on against the onslaught of
 +
kobolds, her newborn baby still strapped to her back.  She lifted her
 +
shield to block another volley of poison darts.  She had been hunting,
 +
far from the entrance of the fortress, when she stumbled upon the
 +
skulking trash, no doubt planning a cowardly raid on the fortress
 +
vault.  She had to warn the others.  With one hand she held the bugle
 +
to her lips, while with the other she parried another deadly strike.
  
Deep under the mountain, where magma pounded like blood through a rocky body, the crazed dwarf Malthis worked his dread craft. In a fortress the size of Ironside, no one really noticed when a nameless dwarf went missing. In fact, it seemed like the hill dwarves came and went like the breath of the forge. So who really cared when they disappeared?
+
==[[User:AbuDhabi|AbuDhabi]]==
 +
===(5 February 2009)===
 +
<pre>CCCCCCC,.,.,.|||@+@+></pre>
  
“What is that?” asked Krang.
+
Fires burned at the edge of the vast grassland, holding back the
 +
darkness before the dwarf fortress.  All night baleful howls could be
 +
heard on the plain, undead cows brought back to life by the evil
 +
wizard Maxelman.  He had allowed the dwarves to live in his domain of
 +
evil, if they but bestowed on him one artifact a year.  Nothing,
 +
however, could measure the greed of a dwarf.  Nothing, that is, save
 +
his thirst for strong whiskey.
  
“I called it the Skullinator,” said Malthis.
+
A dwarf stood atop the battlement, laughing drunkenly.  "Get down
 +
Twan," whispered his fellow guardsman.  "The night-wings will snatch
 +
you off the wall!"  Twan threw his stein off the wall in defiance.
 +
Such was his vanity that he thought that they only need live through
 +
the night.  Little did he know, the dawn would never come.
  
The thing resembled a dwarf’s skull with the boney legs of a spider.  Krang thought he could almost see the remains of flesh still sticking to the bone.
+
===(24 February 2009)===
 +
<pre>DgDgg%@@%@~~++++++>>>>^+^+^+^+^%%%%%@</pre>
  
“What does it do?” asked Krang.
+
Twan held his helmet over his eyes and screamed.  Fireballs smashed
 +
into the walls, shot from the gullets of a dozen dragons circling in
 +
the smoke-choked sky.  Marksdwarves dove from the walls and smashed
 +
into the courtyard below.  "Stand and fight!" shouted Captain Krandle.
 +
"Fear no devil!"  Twan reached the courtyard just as the gate broken
 +
open wide.  Pike-wielding goblins poured through the opening.  Captain
 +
Krandle threw his great braided beard over his shoulder and called
 +
forth his squad of elite axe-lords, The Chosen.
  
“Come closer,” said Malthis, “and I will show you.
+
Pike and axe clashed again and again as Twan crawled between the legs
 +
of the combatants.  A head dropped onto the ground before him.  It was
 +
the head of Captain Krandle.  Twan pressed on.  He would not be
 +
paralyzed with fear.  It seemed that the power of Maxelman knew no
 +
bounds, but not even he could breach the inner mines.  Dodging the
 +
deadly weapons, and slithering over the bodies, Twan made his way the
 +
center of the fortress.
  
===(31 December 2013)===
+
A dark tunnel lay beyond the entrance to the keep.  Twan danced down
 +
the corridor in the intricate steps that avoided the complex mass of
 +
triggers and tripwires that guarded the entrance.  Inside were the
 +
mines, stocked with enough dwarven wine to keep them in the cups for
 +
ten years.  Twan reflected for a moment on those above who had died.
 +
It wasn't important.  He was alive, and would remain so, so long as he
 +
avoided the king and any quests he might have in store.
  
<pre>@oO(  * *  )</pre>
+
===(13 May 2009)===
 +
<pre>%@/%+++@+@@@</pre>
  
Invisible gears began to whir.  The monster artifact reared back on
+
"That blasted wizard Maxelman," came a booming voice"He shall not
its hind legs and took a step toward Krang, who stood still, paralyzed
+
have my artifact staff!"
with fearThe skull stared, its jeweled eyes fixed to Krang's face,
 
and began to speak.  It was a dark and mysterious language of the
 
past, but somehow Krang was able to understand.
 
  
“You must bring me the beating heart of Prince Hablock,” said the
+
Curses, thought Twan from his hiding in the cellar, the king!  The
skull“You have three days.
+
dwarf lord paced back and forth, followed by a pleading train of
 +
aristocrats, tears of rage streaming from his eyes.  The staff, the
 +
cause of all the suffering the dwarves now endured, was only ten short
 +
steps away.  In near berserker rage, the king threw the staff down,
 +
startling the nobles.  Twan saw his chanceHe shot between the
 +
nobles and snatched up the artifact.
  
Clearly shaken, Krang began muttering to himself.  Malthis knew
+
"Scoundrel," roared the king, "unhand the magic staff!"
nothing of the mission.  All he heard was the hum of machinery and the
 
clicking of the ivory teeth.  He questioned Krang briefly, but when it
 
was clear there would be no answer, Malthis retrieved the dwarf's coat
 
and showed him to the door.
 
  
The dwarf fortress was half a day's travel from Malthis's forge.  That
+
Twan leapt onto a keg, holding the staff high.
gave Krang two days to kidnap the prince in time to bring him back.
 
Krang was on the move before he could think of a plan.  It was hard to
 
scheme when all he saw in his mind's eye were the dead jewel eyes of
 
the Skullinator.
 
  
===(19 April 2013)===
+
"Maxelman will burn this fortress to the ground to gain this staff,"
 +
said the rude dwarf.  "I will have this power for myself!"
  
<pre>+@+@+++++.,.,.,,.,=...,.,.,?g?</pre>
+
The king growled, plucking the gold rings from his fingers. He hurled
 +
them at Twan, one striking the dwarf in the teeth. "Seize him!"
 +
shouted the besieged ruler. Twan jumped from barrel to barrel as the
 +
purple clad nobles chased him. As he ran from the cellar he heard
 +
king's cry, "Guards, guards!"
  
“All he keeps talking about is this Skull-o-tron,” said the castle guard.
+
In the enemy camp, the vile wizard Maxelman puzzled over his battle
 +
plans.  A dwarf fortress is always a hard nut to crack.  One of his
 +
generals, a skeletal shade from the netherworld, summoned him from his
 +
tent.  The wizard straightened his aching back, brushed his long black
 +
beard, and stepped to the door.  There, standing between two fierce
 +
goblin guards, was Twan, holding the king's staff.
  
“Skullinator!” cried Krang.
+
===(29 Aug 2009)===
 +
<pre>+U+G-@+GG+</pre>
  
“Listen, friend,said Prince Hablock.  “I don't know what this
+
"You bring me the staff," said the evil sorcerer, "as a traitor to your people?"
Malthis fellow has against me, but I'm sure the Guard are more than a
 
match for a mad blacksmith and his toys.”
 
  
It was true, the mission did seem impossible, especially after having
+
The dwarven rogue took a step back and leveled the staff at his arch-nemesis.
failed with such a direct appeal.  The guard took Krang by the
 
shoulder and guided the desperate dwarf out of the audience chamber.
 
Normally, Krang would have considered himself lucky to escape without
 
being sent to the dungeon, but now he was on an evil quest.  He
 
immediately left the royal suites and made his way to the fortress
 
tavern to clear his head and come up with another wicked plot.
 
  
“You want to kidnap who?” asked the barkeep.
+
"You will have the staff," said Twan. "Have it through your black
 +
shriveled heart!"
  
“The prince,” hollered Krang, slurring his speech and seeing double.
+
The dwarf pressed a secret button and a blade emerged from the end of
“I must deliver him to my master, the Skullinator.
+
the staff.  The wizard called on his generals.  The skeletal ghoul
 +
drew his saber and charged. Twan spun with expert skill and took out
 +
the phantom's knees, such was the power that the staff bestowed.  Two
 +
more undead warlords entered the tent.  Twan thrust the staff at
 +
Maxelman but a undead general threw himself in front of the blade,
 +
impaling himself and collapsed into dust.
  
“I'd talk to Spernak if I were you,” said the barkeep“He's snatched
+
The legless fiend below snatched Twan's ankles and pulled Twan to the
a princeling or two in his time.
+
floor.  The staff spilled onto the ground.  The dwarf felt his courage
 +
suddenly fading.  The wizard snatched up the artifact and cried out
 +
with joyThe long campaign was finally at an end.  The skeleton put
 +
its bony arm around Twan's neck and pulled him upright.  The wizard
 +
noticed the dwarf and walked toward him, pointing the staff.
  
“Where can I find this wicked dwarf?” asked Krang.
+
"Nice try, dwarf," said Maxelman. "Now feel the true power of the
 +
artifact staff!"
  
“Spernak is no dwarf,” said the barkeep“He is a goblinYou can
+
Twan caught the thrust between his palmsAs the wizard snarled, Twan
find him across the mine cart tracks.  He's probably shoveling
+
took the staff in one hand and with several quick motions, activated
beak-dog dung for a living.
+
the secret switches along its lengthThe dwarf released the staff as
 +
saw blades swept out of the shaft and sliced off the wizard's hands.
 +
Twan jammed his helmet into the skull of the phantom general and
 +
smashed all the bones in its face.
  
Krang slid off of his stool and made his way out the doorWith only
+
The dwarf picked up the blood covered staff and chased the wizard from
one day left to collect the prince, the goblin Spernak had better live
+
the tent.  Dozens of goblins blocked his way, but he dispatched them
up to his reputationThe mine cart tracks were quiet that time of
+
with mighty slashes of his weaponJust as he came within a spear's
day and Krang didn't have much trouble sneaking into the goblin
+
throw of his enemy, a huge dust cloud blocked his wayWind blew down
neighborhoodThe entire quest now depended on the skill of an
+
as a giant dragon landed before the dwarfAt last, thought Twan, a
unknown villain.
+
worthy opponent.

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